TIM TEBOW’S BACK! Look Who Just Got ARRESTED Doing This…


If I Was Liberal I Would Give You A Trigger Warning

Tim Tebow wants everyone to know he feels safe after a deranged ratty 36 year old woman stalked him outside the New York Mets Spring training facility.  This might not be as funny for you as it is for me but it’s hard for me to think about him reassuring everyone without laughing.  Here’s the picture of his wannabe-lover:


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Her name is Michelle Marie Thompson and she was arrested a few weeks ago for her attempted rendezvous with the failure-at-the-plate (of his 62 at bats during fall ball, Tebow struck out 20 times).  Reports have only come out today and Tebow is being his regular, pious self: “I wish her the best and just pray for her to get as much help as she needs and is possible,” he continued, “At the same time, as an athlete you learn to compartmentalize.  It’s not something that is always easy, but you have to do it.”


The weird thing is Thompson had been stalking Tebow for at least a few days.  Met staffers first reported her hanging out by the clubhouse.  She was asking for Tebow and stopping anyone that would listen to her long enough to hear her plea.  This girl was absolutely crazy! She told police that she had a special relationship with Tebow and when they asked if it was romantic or platonic she just gigled at them like a schoolgirl.  Please refer to the picture above again and try to imagine her giggling. *Shivers*

While Thompson initially refused to hand over her identification things got pretty creepy when she finally did.  On the back of the ID she had a sticker that (I hope) was custom made.  It read: “I <3 Jesus/Tim Tebow”  Whoa mamma!

She then decided it would be a good idea to tell responding officers that the address on the card (which listed her residency in Colorado) was outdated.  Where did she tell them she lived?  In Jacksonville.  With Tebow.  Police were kind enough to give her a warning and tell her to go be nutty elsewhere.


You just can’t fix crazy though.  Thompson returned and continued stalking her prey.  Well, Thompson has been in jail since.  As you can probably imagine the police were promptly called to the scene and arrested her.  She has yet to post bail at the time of this report.
In closing, I want to leave you with one more mental image.  Please refer to the picture above to prepare yourself: Thompson was arrested for indecent exposure previously. Yikes!  Anyways, I’m John Miller and with that, I bid you all a good night(mare)!

PS. If anyone knows where I can get some electroshock therapy, I would be much obliged. I am traumatized after writing this report.


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